The INSIDER Summary:
- Christie Begnell developed anorexia at age 20.
- She started drawing to express what living with and recovering from an eating disorder is like.
- She shares her art on Instagram and in her new book, "Me and My ED," to destigmatize the disease.
When Christie Begnell began sharing her drawings on Instagram, she realized how helpful they could be in explaining the reality of what is often a misunderstood disease.
Having developed anorexia at 20 years old, she used art to illustrate her relationship with "Ana." Now 24, she's compiled more than 60 of her drawings into a book called "Me and My ED" to show what having and recovering from an eating disorder is really like.
Begnell spoke to INSIDER via email about her journey.
Christie Begnell is an occupational therapist living in Sydney, Australia.
She struggled with depression and anxiety through her adolescence, which worsened when her parents split and she broke up with a long-term boyfriend.
Dieting and calorie counting to meet weight loss goals gave her a sense of control.
"I became obsessed with exercise and finding ways to lose weight," she said. "It became a way of distracting from all the pain and loneliness and it gave me a purpose again ... I got a high off setting myself goals and achieving them."
Soon, those goals became rules that she felt trapped inside.
"I HAD to follow these rules or the eating disorder voice would hurl abuse at me and I would be tormented with feelings of failure, worthlessness, and hopelessness," she said.
Her art provided an outlet to express the feelings driving her anorexia in a healthier way.
"I learned to express myself through weight loss and a skeletal body, which was killing me slowly," she said. "Expressing myself through my drawings has been the safer way to communicate my fears and emotions with people."
These days, she uses her drawings to get through rough patches.
"If I'm upset about something, I'll draw it out and share it with my followers, therapists, and my loved ones," she said. "I then use their feedback about the drawings as a way to gain insight and to fight Ana."
She also uses them to illustrate what working through an eating disorder can feel like to educate others and destigmatize the disease.
Oftentimes, eating disorders are seen as a condition where people starve themselves to look pretty.
Often, people don't receive the treatment they need because they don't look sick enough.
Begnell is hoping to change that by presenting a broader picture of those who suffer from eating disorders.
"I want people to see that eating disorders are mental illnesses and weight loss is a possible side effect, not the root cause," she said.
She's currently studying psychology and planning to work in eating disorder treatment.
She also compiled her drawings into a book called "Me and My ED" as a tool for therapists and a resource for patients, and continues to share them on Instagram.
"Helping others is such a huge value of mine," she said.
"Before I had this [Instagram] account I felt so useless and my life felt meaningless."
"Now seeing the impact my art is having on people, I feel like I have a purpose again and that has helped my motivation and mood so much."
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